Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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