I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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