His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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