hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
