this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize