I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
