Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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