I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize