roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
