They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
