Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
