Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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