I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
