I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
