Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
