wat bout pragnant strippers??
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
