The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
handjob tips. give me some.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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