my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
