I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
