this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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