Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
