my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
