u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize