Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
