So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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