I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
