what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
