Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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