i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i would punch a child for taco bell
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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