dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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