if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize