the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
