I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
