Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
