i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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