paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
