just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
soo... how was my night?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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