I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize