Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
