Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
