i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
