Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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