You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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