He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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