So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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