i think my tv is drunk
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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