I'm lost and stupid without you.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
