So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
