dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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