nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
