My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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