My first STD was from a foam party
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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