Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
