Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
