I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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