I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
