Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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