Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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