Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Please don't give away my fajitas
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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