I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
