Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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