naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
