You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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