my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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