Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
a search helicopter?!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
