He is an equal opportunity slut.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
