There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
