Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
