I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize