false alarm. still invincible.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
