Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
