Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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