Betty ford says i'm here all night
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
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