after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize