yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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