you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
