I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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