dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
