How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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