btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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