Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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