so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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