y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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