do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
