You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
