Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My Higher Power is John Stamos
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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