you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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