I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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