something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
