Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
