Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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