She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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