gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
