there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You ruined the universe
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
