Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
