It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
