She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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