i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
