His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Randomize
