im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
