i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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